I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize