So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
