my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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