i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
