hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
