Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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