i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
