Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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