Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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