Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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