just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
