So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
