She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
