I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
