My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
