First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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