peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
