I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
