how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
