i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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