The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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