Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
