I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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