# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
