bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
