So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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