Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
