I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everclear isn't food dammit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
