He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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