Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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