You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
