hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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