Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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