My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
