I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
