Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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