Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
