when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
