Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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