I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
