Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
