her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
