My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
