The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
