Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
