i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize