Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was CRYING into my vagina
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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