R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
