alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize