He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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