I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She told me I should be a condom model.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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