I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
