It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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