i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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