I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
