omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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