I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
