We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
