Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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