The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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