he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
