just tell him i said nine months
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
