I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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