Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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