And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
