and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
