My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
