1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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