Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize