Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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