At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
