She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
