there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
