Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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