LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
