why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My bed smells like the plague
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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