I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
