we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
