Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
