guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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