I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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