Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
