The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
