Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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