you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
