how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
