Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
