I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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