if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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