if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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