Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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