Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
