The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
