My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
